Doctor: “Can you describe the snake that bit you?” - Patient: “Yes. It looked like an angry rope. “
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
Oh darling, since you’ve started dieting, you’ve become such a passionate kisser… What do you mean, passionate? I’m looking for food remains!
Little Red Riding Hood walks all alone through the deep dark wood. Suddenly she hears rustling in a thick bush. Cautiously she moves the branches aside and finds herself facing the big bad wolf. "Oh, Big Bad Wolf, why do you have such huge red eyes?" - "Go away! I'm crapping!"
When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
I was picking up my girl. Her dad looked at me very sternly and said, I want her home by midnight, young man! - I said, What do you mean? You already own her home!
If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris.
I really dont know which kid Im supposedly being unfair to, according to my wife, Thomas, Anton, or the fat, ugly one?
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
In the Beginning there was nothing … then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked nothing and told it to get a job.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling.