Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.
Patient: Oh Doctor, I’m starting to forget things. - Doctor: Since when have you had this condition? - Patient: What condition?
If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris and they both fought, they would both win.
I thought I’d tell you a good time travel joke – but you didnt like it.
Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
“My wife suffers from a drinking problem.” - “Oh is she an alcoholic?” - “No, I am, but she’s the one who suffers.”
The inventor of AutoCorrect is a stupid mass hole. He can fake right off.
Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. Too many tsunamis.
So much has changed since my girlfriend told me we’re having a baby. For instance my name, address and telephone number!
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Father looks hard at a teenage son, “James, you’ve been adopted.” James jumps up, “Adopted! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!” Father laughs, “No no, James, we are your biological parents. But you need to get packing, your adoptive ones will be here in an hour.”